Monday, April 21, 2008

Grace with Mean Girls

Because Grace makes beauty out of ugly things
Grace finds beauty in everything
Grace finds goodness in everything

-U2

I have been trying to figure out lately what Grace really means. My usual source of all meaning, Wikipedia, wasn't initially helpful. So, I thought. I learned that Christians believe that Grace is our gift from God. It's how we attain salvation. Did you know this? It's not actually all the good deeds that we do on Earth that gets us into heaven. It's that God says to us, "Whatever you do, it's not gonna be enough anyway. I'm the holy one in this relationship. So, I'll just love you and let you in, regardless of yourself."

That's nice, isn't it?

I wish I had reacted with more Grace today in the class I was teaching. I have a 5th grade student who I have taught for a little while now and, the older she gets, the more attitude she gets. To be plain, she is rude and mean. To me. To other kids. And I have very little patience for her. Normally, I try to keep it together but today I just had it.

We were working on putting together all of their original pieces of choreography into one ensemble dance. It was already a tough process because many of the students were hyper and distracted, interrupting me whenever they felt like it. So, in the middle of it all, my little rude friend decides that she is going to top them all and question every little thing that I said and did; stopping all the action and playing a power game with me.

I said, while the whole rest of the class was watching, "You know what? I am tired of you always arguing with me. I am tired of it and I am done with it. This is over. Sit down."

She was not happy about it. In some ways I feel like I am not the worst teacher in the world because I didn't actually yell or scream. I was calm but I was mad. I don't even think I said anything to shame her in front of her friends.

I just wish I had dealt with her with more Grace. I wish, in future classes, that I can see beyond her rude and mean to her beauty and creativity and humanness. Because, I can't control what she does but I can control what I do.

No comments: